Forgive or Forget?
Jay B. Sentillas
Not everyone goes through that “forgive or forget” scenario. Or have you? It can be just forgive or forget, maybe, though we know it will never be the same afterwards. It can be about a long term relationship break-up, being wronged about, trust issues, or simple friend arguments. All these can be emotionally and psychologically burdensome to some extent.
Everyone can be different about what they do when they have to go through something as inevitable as this and they have every right to do so without having to worry about what others might think about them, but that in its own right, will just have to be. Whatever scenario one may be in, whether it’s forgive or forget or both, here are a few to do’s, you might want to consider to lift off some emotional baggage along the way:
Talk to yourself. If others’ words are too heavily drawn on their own personal biases which you should be able to tell yourself, I guess it is best for you to eventually act out those internal dialogues and trust yourself to work things out. There is no better way to assess the gravity of how the scenario would affect you further but wander on the best grounds of an objective self-check: Is this going to help me? Is this what’s best for me? Is there a win-win scenario I can actually come up with?
Stay grounded. There may be bigger reasons why you should act the way you do or at least choose between the two without further depriving yourself of that right of acceptable self-expression. If and whenever you can, maintain composure and decorum anyway possible. This applies in whatever possibly intense scenario you’re in. You are pretty much aware that calmness is one way of cooling things down. Remember to ground yourself on the fact that forgiving or forgetting is a process and not an overnight thing where you can simply say – I’m done with it.
Create a good mental space. Consider your right to validate that self-appeal for a good mental space. This is mostly something people neglect to do when at odds with themselves. Wallow on the part that there is a practically good reason about letting it all out or just maintaining that chaos within. One will find inner peace if they actually think and find ways to get there. So consider practically pampering yourself a little bit more: go to places, see other people, take as much time as you want, or just be on your own if you think that is what’s best for you. Surely, you’ll achieve that tranquil, worry-less environment you wish to have.
Acknowledge one’s entirety. Your purpose perhaps maybe one too many or you may actually have lost your sense of direction at the state you’re in right now. At times, there is opportunity in the confusions you’re in where you eventually find the path to rediscover yourself. You may fret this much here and now but that spur of the moment clarity comes when you least expect it. So don’t think that you actually lost yourself going through all this – you haven’t. This is one scenario in life where you get that sense of one’s entirety. Despite the emotional baggage, your entirety isn’t broken. No one can break you but yourself.
Come to terms with your fear. To decide not to decide is already a decision - who-so-ever came up with that adage simply said it as it is. Oftentimes, that fear of losing people or the feeling of not having been able to decide for the right time to actually forgive or forget can definitely be daunting. It is human nature to fear that which is unknown. What happens after forgiving? What happens after forgetting? It isn’t always clear what comes next. For the same reason that we do not wish to be in such a state, we become conflicted with choosing one over the other for that sense of certainty.
Always choose better . Either you become better or the worst version of yourself is entirely up to you. Not being able to forgive or forget doesn’t necessarily mean you’re either of the above mentioned “best or worst.” But all hands on deck shall pose that you will always choose for what is better. You are old enough to discern that which is bad or good for you when the decisions have to be made. One way or another, to choose better is to forgive and forget about that bad experience.
Take that leap. Get it out of the way. Make it sooner not later. In the end, it all comes down to that part where you actually need to be on one side of the coin. To forgive is, I think, not to generalize, what makes one human and to forget, I believe is what makes us intellectuals - capable of distinguishing why we need to do so. There seems to be a fine line to consider that sense of urgency to finish what started out to be a not so beautiful experience and that judgy part of us who thinks time will heal itself that makes us decide that later maybe more so preferable. But we know that the sooner we forgive, the better we make ourselves feel good again.
No matter which ones you might consider from all of the above-mentioned, remember that this is what sets the length and depth of your personal journey. It may be hard or not much but all you should do is consider. Life becomes more meaningful when you become seasoned along with it. Staying true to yourself is not a crime and taking a little time to see things through may all be what you need to eventually do the two. Have a little bit more faith. We all go through such constant battles against ourselves but every battle has to end. You deserve peace. You deserve better. Always. Whenever you find yourself at the crossroads of forgiving or forgetting, know that you will definitely have to believe that it will all be over with the sooner you start visualizing what you want to happen. So. Forgive. Forget.